- Intercontinental title: Greg Valentine v. Junkyard Dog. Valentine is the second person to do both Starrcade and WM. There's one more to come. Valentine works on the leg a bunch and JYD actually sells it. Crowd doesn't seem particularly interested in this one. I don't think there was any sort of storyline going on here. Hart jumps up on the apron and gets punched off by JYD, allowing Greg to do the Ric Flair pin in the corner on JYD for the win. Tito Santana, humanitarian that he was, tells the referee about the malfeasance on the Hammer's part, so the match is restarted and the departing Valentine is counted out. Bleh. 1/2* On the replay, we see Jimmy actually taking a vicious bump off the apron onto the unpadded floor. Ouch.

- WWF Tag team title: Barry Windham & Mike Rotundo v. Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff. Volkoff does the special extended version of the Russian anthem for the big occasion. To give you an idea of the magnitude of what was about to happen here, picture the New Age Outlaws defending the tag titles against, say, DOA. As in, NO ONE gave the challengers half a chance. Hard to believe that Sheik was only a year removed from the World title at this point. Barry Windham RULES IT, BABY at this point. Quick tags from the champs to start and the Evil Foreigners do some miscommunication to establish them as the blundering heels. Rotundo plays Ricky Morton, although really Ricky Morton hadn't established the Ricky Morton role at this point in his career...well, whatever. Rotundo escapes the ABDOMINAL STRETCH OF DOOM and makes the hot tag to Windham. Windham hits the bulldog on Volkoff but Sheik breaks up the pin, triggering a pier-six brawl. Sheik nails Windham with Freddie Blassies's cane, and Volkoff falls on top for the pin. Quick match. Crowd is unimpressed to say the least, but they needn't have worried because it was just a hotshot title switch and the US Express would regain the belts a few weeks later. Blah match. *

- Bodyslam challenge: Big John Studd v. Andre the Giant. If Andre slams Studd, he gets $15,000. If he can't, Andre retires. Bobby is wearing white and purple for the pre-match interview, and when we cut to ringside he's wearing black and red. This was set up by an episode of Saturday Night's Main Event where Heenan's family cut Andre's afro off. The match is a pretty typical Studd-Giant match, namely slow and boring. In short order, Andre slams Studd and wins the match. But Vince "El Cheapo" McMahon does the Jerry Lawler booking job, as Andre pulls out a couple of handfuls of the money and throws it to the crowd before Heenan steals it back. No real match, so no rating.

- WWF Ladies Title: Leilani Kai (w/ Fabulous Moolah) v. Wendi Richter (w/ Cyndi Lauper). Ah, yes, the Rock 'n Wrestling Connection rears its ugly head with this match. In the pre-match interview, Wendi sounds EXACTLY like Mongo McMichael, I swear to God. Wendi is just absolutely crazy over. Pretty much a cookie-cutter women's match, complete with hair-pulling snapmares, and Cyndi Lauper interference. Kai goes for a bodypress off the top and Richter rolls through to regain the title. This was about 1/2*

- Main Event: Mr. T & Hulk Hogan v. Roddy Piper & Paul Orndorff. Billy Martin is the guest ring announcer, Liberace is the guest time keeper, Muhammad Ali is the guest referee. Patterson is the second ref. FIFTEEN YEARS LATER, Martin is dead, Liberace is dead, Andre is dead, Studd is dead, JYD is dead, Ali is a vegetable, Orndorff is retired, Steamboat is retired, Santana is retired, Valentine is retired, the ladies are persona non grata, Cyndi Lauper is the punchline to several 80's jokes, Windham, Rotundo and Beefcake are considered over-the-hill, wrestling has changed irrevocably and forever...and Piper is still fighting Hogan for the World title. This is why I hate WCW so much, because no one has any sense of damned perspective. Anyway, Liberace rings a little bell to start the match. Geez, and people were SURPRISED that this guy was gay? Piper and T start out, and Mr. T actually shows some amateur wrestling technique, which pretty much puts him one up on his partner. T with a fireman's carry takedown on Piper, which triggers a big brawl right away. Stalling from the heels and then we're back in as the faces beat the living snot out of Piper. Mr. T looks surprisingly not sucky here. WCW take note. Piper does a dramatic oversell of the big boot, falling out of the ring, then suckering Hogan out after him, which allows him to bash a chair over his head to take control. Ah, those were the days. Heat here is INCREDIBLE. Hogan takes the DOUBLE ATOMIC DROP OF DEATH! Hogan gets beat up for a bit, but Orndorff misses the flying kneedrop and Hogan makes the hot tag to Mr. T. Doesn't last long as Orndorff smothers T right away. Hogan gets a semi-hot tag in short order and the requisite pier-six breaks out with Jimmy Snuka fighting Bob Orton. But Orton's interference backfires and Orndorff gets decked with the LOADED CAST OF HIDEOUS DEATH and pinned by Hogan, with no legdrop. Hm. Well, as celebrity matches go this lay somewhere in between Jay Leno and Lawrence Taylor. **1/4 Piper and Orton abandon Orndorff to the wolves, and Hogan is nice enough to let him go in peace. This would lead to Hogan and Orndorff forming a tag team, which would lead to that team self-destructing because Hogan is a jerk.

The Bottom Line: Well, it was the first Wrestlemania, what'd you expect? It didn't get great, or particularly good, until the third one. The WM2 rant will demonstrate that more than adequately.